Something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is how much most women tend to dislike their bodies. How many women do you know that like there body? I don’t think I know one.
Do a little experiment with me, get two pieces of paper, a pen/pencil, and your cell phone. Take one of the pieces of paper, start the stopwatch for one minute on your phone and write everything you HATE about your body. Don’t worry, I’ll wait for you....
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Done? Now, take the other piece of paper, start the stopwatch for one minute on your phone and write everything you LOVE about your body.
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Now, which list is longer? Why? If you have a daughter do you want her to grow up and have a hate list or a love list that is longer? If you have a son (and he ends up straight) do you want his significant other do have a longer hate or love list?
You can blame it on the media, commercials and ads bombard our children with images of the ‘ideal’ person. But can you take ownership yourself? When you watch TV do you look at the people in the show and criticize them? Look how scary skinny she is, look at the mole on her face, omg she’s so fat, her eyes are too close together, etc. etc. etc.
Let’s forget about media, let’s look at what we tell ourselves. When you look in the mirror do you comment on the good or bad in yourself? Do you do it in front of your children? In front of other peoples’ children? You may say, I’m having a bad hair day, does my butt look big in these jeans, or I could really loose a few pounds. If someone tells you that you look nice you may tell them, no I don’t, or throw them off in some other way. Remember, our children are watching and learning to do these things themselves.
As a lesbian I love women’s bodies. I love the curves and softness of women. A few of you may already know my wife is what you would call “plus sized” and she also happens to be pregnant. Lately she has been down on herself, feeling fat. I love her and she looks amazing, her body is doing an amazing thing, it is creating life! Every time I look at her and think “she is beautiful” I make a point of telling her so. I wish I could make her see what I see.
On the other hand, I wish I could see what she sees when she looks at me. I have PCOS, a syndrome that causes infertility, and weight to be held on the belly. I am not plus sized but I am not ‘average’. Honestly, I look about four or five months pregnant and have for most of my adult life. It is irritating in a number of ways. I rarely can find clothes that fit, they are either too short and my belly sticks out, or they are too wide and I look like I have wings. Clothes that do fit come from maternity stores and tend to make me look pregnant. I have also been asked numerous times if I am pregnant or how far along I am. Why can’t I look at my body and see what my wife sees? She sees my hip bones, my perky boobs, my stubborn jaw, my cute belly. Cute. That is what she sees, but not me. How do I make myself see my belly as cute?! How do I make my daughter grow up and love herself, both inside and out?!
There are a number of things I am going to try, why don’t you try with me?
- First of all, take the list of things you hate about your body, rip it up, and feed it to the dog (or throw it out whichever is closer).
- Take your list of things you love about your body and put it up somewhere you can see it every day, tape it to your bedroom mirror, put it on your fridge, wherever. Read this list to yourself daily and add to it whenever possible.
- Never say negative things about yourself if possible. At the very least don’t say it near your or other peoples’ children.
- Either take some 'sexy' or beauty shots of yourself or have someone take them of you. Boudoir photo shoots are very empowering and can make you look amazing! For our first anniversary I got some artistic nude shots done for my wife, they are very tasteful and made me feel beautiful. (Photoart by Simpson did them, they rock!)
- If you look at someone and think something negative, try to catch yourself on it. Look at them again and find something beautiful about them. If possible, tell them.
- If you see someone, friend, stranger, whoever, and think wow, her hair is gorgeous, or something of the like, TELL HER!!! We do not compliment each other enough! Especially us women! (Try not to compliment a woman on her weight, we should not tie ourselves to our weight, instead on what is healthiest for us.)
- If someone says something negative about someone else, call them on it! For example, today my mom said Kelly Osbourne’s eyes were too close together and I said “why are you so critical? I think she is beautiful.” If possible come up with something positive to say about that person.
- And finally, teach your children to do these things as well! I want my daughter to look in the mirror and see the beautiful girl she is!
All women should grow up and love themselves! Lets teach ourselves and our children to love the body they have, flaws and all!!
(Excerpt of my love list: eye colour, highlights in my hair, long fingers and toes, pale skin perfect for tattooing, perky breasts, nice butt, long neck, nice ears especially with my earrings, hopefully I will be able to add more soon!)
