The last few days have been so crazy I barely know where to start.
I guess I’ll start off by briefly mentioning that after putting it off and putting it off I talked to my dad. He kind of rolled his eyes at me and said he would try to give us more privacy, sigh. I will work on it from my end too as I think a lot of it is me inviting them in too much.
So yesterday was supposed to be a fun day. Wifey took the day off work and we were going to go get her regular 18-20 week ultrasound then to a quick doctors appointment. Well, we got to the ultrasound place and they took Wifey right in, I sat in the waiting room trying to wait calmly. I say trying because after pretty much finding out from an ultrasound tech when I was by myself that my son had passed I tend to freak out a little. I actually managed to wait patiently for 30 whole minutes, then I started to freak out. What was taking so long? I started envisioning myself running through the place like a crazy person ripping open all the doors looking for my wife.
Almost an hour after she went back my wife came around the corner and my heart froze. Why didn’t the tech come and get me? Was there something wrong? I kind of attacked my wife with questions and she said everything was fine but that the tech was an idiot. I guess the tech went on and on about the due date (come on, we KNOW when we got pregnant, we are gay for goodness sake!) Then barely showed my wife before saying she was done and was out the door. We then waited very impatiently for the CD of pictures, another 25 minutes later we finally got it. Off to the doctors we went. The doctors went well with a laugh over me telling them to call me and not Wifey asap when they get the gender of the baby!
For some reason last night as we were going to bed I found Wifey crying. Now Wifey is a tough woman, she does not cry easily and does not really like comfort when she does. I had to press to find out what was upsetting her and she said that the day reminded her of the day my son died (for example not seeing the baby in the ultrasound room together). I hugged her and told her everything would be okay.
Then today... I was at baby story time with Happy Baby and my cell rang. I was all excited because that meant I would get to find out gender, yay! But that was not it. The receptionist said they did not tell the gender and that we needed to come in and talk to the doctor about the ultrasound results. We got an appointment for 2pm and tried not to freak out. Wifey came straight home from work and I could see her trying not to think the worst but thinking it anyways. She asked me “what if they want me to carry to term a baby that will not make it?” I told her they wouldn’t do that. I told her it would be okay, I tried to stay strong. For the next couple hours all the ‘what ifs’ ran through our heads.
We both dreaded sitting in the waiting room at the doctors office. We had Happy Baby though and she is a good distraction stealing Wifey’s sun glasses and throwing them on the floor with a grin. We finally went in and the doctor explained; they found a ‘shadow’ on the baby’s heart this could mean one of three things: the baby has a chromosomal problem, the baby has a heart problem, or there is nothing wrong at all. The doctor assured us that in every case she has dealt with it is nothing and that it is probably fine. We should just get another ultrasound in a month to check again.
She also mentioned that the ultrasound tech complained about Wifey’s weight. The tech said because my wife is plus sized they were not able to see the face of the baby. Everything in the scan is blurry, the pictures they sold us were horrible. This is Wifey’s fifth ultrasound and the first time they have ever mentioned that her weight makes it hard to see. I am irritated with the tech for so many reasons...