I’m in such a funk. I can’t figure it out, I’m so down and lonely. I am not sure if I am PMSing (as I was a raving bitch to everyone yesterday I hope I am!) or if I’m just on a downswing. Since I was depressed in the past I go through ups and downs, though I never get down to that scary place anymore thank god. Maybe I need to get out more? But the thought of that brings up anxiety. I have horrible anxiety about people judging me, I feel like they always are, I know I shouldn’t care but I do for some reason. I know I’m kind of rambling, sorry for that.
Happy Baby has been constipated from starting to eat food and now she is sick. She is constantly crying and following me around, I love her to bits, but sometimes mommy needs a break! Thank goodness I have my dad upstairs and he will take her for a bit here and there. But having my parents upstairs may be contributing to my funk. They are... well shall we say homebodies, and they may be rubbing off on me. Plus I tend to get in more tiffs with my mother being close by, she does drive me crazy sometimes, but I guess all mothers do. It is going to be hard when I start to drive Happy Baby crazy and she doesn’t want to be near me. :(
Wifey is going away with Girl Guides this weekend and I’m kind of nervous of her leaving. It’s not that I can’t handle Happy Baby by myself, I am just so not wanting to be alone or with my parents all weekend. I miss having our own house. We have set a goal though, we are going to be saving up and hopefully can afford it next September or October. God that seems like so far in the future.
I’ve been meaning to write a post about something but I just can’t seem to do it. I don’t want to think about it and it is extremely embarrassing... We are declaring bankruptcy. Wifey went in and signed her paperwork yesterday. We are not sure what to do about me because 75% of mine are student loans and they wouldn’t be covered by a bankruptcy for seven more years. I hate that we have to do this. But we just can’t make bills anymore. Our debt isn’t really embarrassing either, it is pretty typical stuff: school, wedding, etc. The problem came with the recession and Wifey losing her job. Then when we lost my son we lived off of credit cards because we were too depressed to think, care, or work. I want so badly to run a daycare one day, how will I ever do that if I go bankrupt?
On a good note Wifey is feeling lots of baby movement. The stupid tech got back to the doctor about Wifey’s ultrasound and said she couldn’t see the baby’s gender, even though she told Wifey that she could see that area really good and it wouldn’t be a problem. Dumby. My mom got me a 3D ultrasound for my birthday though so I am going to try to book it tomorrow, that will be fun and we will get to find out the gender. At first I wanted it to be a boy sooo bad, and I do want that for Wifey, but at the same time, I’d be okay with another girl. A little copy of Wifey would make me smile!
Anyways, I am getting tired and I am going to storytime tomorrow so I’d better get to bed. Wish me luck on getting out of this stupid funk!
